On The Horizon

Esther woke up so happy this morning. Her puffy face and short hair reminded me of getting her and Zinnia out of bed when they were babies. How they would stand in their crib and be so excited, bouncing a bit, eager to be picked up. It reminded me of these days.

Esther has had a good day today. She's felt pretty well and has had very minimal side effects. We ran the medicine at 75% speed, which has been great so far. She should finish about 2am and from there the goal will be to wean her off her pain meds and any oxygen and then we're outta here!

Earlier this week I realized we only have two more weeks in the hospital. Just two. Esther's next stay will be in the PICU again and then she will have just one final week in July on the 7th floor. Wow. It reminds me of graduation or the weeks before my wedding. Such a happy time that just never felt like it would come. Every hospital stay before this has been knowing we would have more, but the difference is that the end is in reach.

There is something about an end of the day when it's dark outside, and I sit in quiet, lit by a soft lamp. The day is done, and it feels like I've accomplished something. It may not have been spectacular, probably filled with daily tasks and mistakes, the house may not be picked up, but the day is done, and I hope I walked in faith. The quiet brings time for me to think and pray and process with God. Those are some of the nights He has given me peace and filled my heart with gratitude.

It's hard to describe, but the many nights I've sat in a hospital room after Esther has fallen asleep, under the glow of a lamp or a dimmed light, I have felt this same comfort. This week, under this peace bringing light I realized, an accomplishment is near. A celebration is on the horizon, and I am full of peace and gratitude.

Just like those nights at home, another day is coming. I don't know what it brings, but for tonight, and that night in a lamp lit room when I'm not worried about the next morning and just reflect on the good of the day, peace and gratitude flow. God has sustained us, carried us this last year. I do not know what the future holds, but I know God will be there, and He does not change. His love will be no different in the morning.

 

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