"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."
This last week has been one of the hardest of this cancer road. I've been mad. Struggling to rest in the promises of God. I've been shaking my fist, questioning why. Hasn't she endured enough?! Haven't we all? All around us dreams and hard work and homes have been washed away by the literal flooding of our state.
Our lives this last week felt like too much rain in already saturated ground that had just started to dry out.
This anger has been making me flippant. Oh, it's hard to live this way. I've need to take a deep breath and choose to cling. Please, Lord, don't let me be bitter. No matter what, I don't want this pain to imprison us to laziness, anger, and entitlement. I have a choice to correct my thinking, and move forward.
One thing I love about God is that we can hold Him to His promises. He does not lie and can not change. I've had a hard time really resting in these promises, and must be deliberate to meditate on the truths of His character. Here's a few I've been thinking on...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
Notice how the verse doesn't say there will be rest from the hardship? But there is rest for the soul. When my soul is at rest, I can face the burden. He will carry and the heaviest burden does become so much lighter.
"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." From Matthew 19:26
A gentle correction that these circumstances are impossible with out the help of my Lord.
"But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head." Psalm 3:3
I've been praying God will lift my head. Psalm 121 came to mind...
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
8 The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.
God is my help. I can't do this life without His help. What is your promise? I could add a few to my list this week.
Our friends Travis and Katrina wrote a song a while back that has been one of my go to songs, blessing me with peace and comfort over and over. My favorite part is the freedom to admit that I don't have it all together. "Be at rest, once more."
You can take a listen here. The song is called "At Rest." If you like it, download it. They'd be happy to give it to you for free.
When I'm overcome by trouble
And sorrow comes upon me
Be at rest, Oh my soul.
Even when I'm broken hearted
Though in pain I still believe
Be at rest, Oh my soul
Be at rest, Oh my soul
For The Lord has been good.
Good.
Be at rest, once more.
When I speak of my salvation
In the presence of this world,
Be at rest, Oh my soul.
Though I do not know tomorrow,
I will praise His name.
Be at rest, Oh my soul.
Be at rest, Oh my soul.
For the Lord has been good.
Be at rest, once more.
Be at rest, Oh my soul
Be at rest, Oh my soul
For the Lord has been good.
Good.
Be at rest, once more.
Esther is doing well. I started weaning down her pain meds. We still don't have a wheelchair for her and it will be several more days because of the flood here in Ft. Collins. We don't have dates for her scans yet. There might be a delay because of the inflamation in her leg. One of the orthopedic people we talked with in the hospital thought she could have a false positive or possibly miss something, so Esther's oncologist is looking into that. Dr. Tim, Dr. Amy, and our nurse, Kerri, have been so supportive and helpful. We knew Children's Hospital is an amazing place for care, but it was amplified greatly this last week as we navigated a different hospital and system. We are so blessed to have this hospital so near by.
We are safe and far from the flooded areas. Anthony has been going nuts. It's not often a water resources engineer actually sees the models they create to plan/prepare for a 100 year flood come to life. There is so much destruction in this area, but it is thanks to the designs and plans of engineers like him it's not worse and they are able to predict where the water will go and even direct the water to keeping as many people and homes safe as possible. I'm really proud of him and his fellow engineers who truly understand how terrible it could be.
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