Friday, October 18, 2013

Just one more big step

I love fall. LOVE fall. There was a frost Tuesday night that made for an enchanted Wednesday morning. As I was driving to our homeschool program each tree I passed brought wonder, and I felt like a little girl. From each tree, golden colored leaves fluttered down, catching the light like glitter. Maybe a bit of fairy dust, as Francesca would say. My friend commented it was like it was snowing, but only under the trees. If I didn't have to prepare for a morning instructing seven young boys, I would've kept going to Mountain Avenue and walked right down the middle.

Being a task oriented "A-type" personality, cancer has caused me to just pause and notice the beauty around. Not just notice, but really breathe it all in. In my perfectionism and to do lists, I've often observed "free spirits" to posses a lot more joy than I do. I kind of wonder if it's because they aren't afraid to twirl under the falling leaves outside all the fancy houses on Mountain Avenue.

We are all plugging along. Anthony is working with CDOT to help with the rebuilding of the roads destroyed by the flooding Colorado experienced last month. This means a new desk at the "incident command center" in Loveland and a work schedule that includes Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Since he works at the "incident command center" I might start calling him Jack Bauer. He will be mostly off Tuesday-Thursday, but will need to check in at his office weekly on one of those days. It's just for a few months and is a neat opportunity to be part of the flood restoration process across Northern Colorado. I'm excited to take our kids to Estes Park and be able to point out...your Daddy helped rebuild these roads.

With this schedule, it feels a bit like figuring out new "normal" is taking a back seat, and God is helping me to lay that agenda down and just go kick the leaves. Life is still a daily choice. For me, each morning is a deliberate, and sometimes not so easy, choice to get up and do the day. I don't know how long this weariness will last and it's getting better, but my mind is still so scattered and foggy. I feel very irresponsible and flakey and can only handle a small disruption to the day without being completely overwhelmed. Outside of doing school and feeding my family, I really struggle to emotionally handle even an errand or walk around the neighborhood. I appreciate the patience of my sweet friends in this. Many have reached out and I've struggled to return phone calls or emails. This is not natural to this extrovert who once thrived a midst an overflowing plate. I think it's getting better, but takes a lot of energy to continue to engage.

Next Tuesday, October 22, will hold one big last step for Esther. Her port is coming out! It is a short, simple surgery, but one with great importance. She will have officially completed her treatment of stage 4, high risk, neuroblastoma. It's a big deal.

Her leg is healing and she's up and about walking pretty well. She has a follow up appointment with the orthopedic surgeon next week, and we should know more about when her plate will come out then.

We know you'll be praying for her surgery and continued healing, that her cancer will never return. Would you also please pray for a few kiddos we've met along the way? Justin is facing neuroblastoma for the 7th time and he's having a hard time with his current treatment. He is so brave. Boden is getting close to the end of his treatment for a brain tumor and there are many things that are it gone, what does life look like for them now? Coming off of an intense year of treatment is a shock to the system and the time to breathe and reflect can be difficult. Isaiah is a friend from Brent's Place and he is recovering from a second bone marrow transplant to treat relapsed AML (leukemia). His immune system is quite weak and he's struggling to fight a couple of viruses. Pray for his family, and his mom, Amber. Her weariness is so heavy, and my heart aches for her. And one more kiddo, Izaac. He is fighting a relapsed brain tumor.


  1. Praying for you! Remember that time away from your kids taking care of yourself will only benefit them in the long run. You are an amazing mom! You probably haven't been able to really rest for a long time. Your body is going to need some time to recover from it all.

  2. Thank you Sam for the sweet reminder to delight ourselves in the moment....Be patient with your heart and your soul.... you are not the same person any have been reshaped and molded for a new journey