Thursday, September 27, 2012

From Whom All Blessings Flow

Esther did well today! She drank her contrast with no problems and even said "yum" a couple times. She held still for the CT scan. I took a video for the kids...don't mind the commentary :). In the morning she has her MIBG scan and we'll talk over the scans with one of our doctors later in the day.

The last few months have been some of the most humbling moments in my life. Never before has this self-reliant, capable woman been so accustomed to receiving help. It's not easy for me. For some reason I can't really define, I've always felt as if I've been on my own. I take on way too much and am afraid to burden anyone with my needs.

I could never express the gratitude I feel for the ways our needs have been met over the last few months. Words are utterly insufficient. We have experienced generosity of prayer, time, effort, and finances. We have been held up in ways I could never have imagined. And for a woman who has lived life afraid of causing burden, this has been striking to me. I feel so undeserved of such love and am moved to tears as I consider the support we've been shown.

Tonight I made a connection. This generosity, love, and support, all undeserved, is a reflection of our Creator. The Bible says we are created in the image of God. He has left an imprint on each of our beings. Whether we are walking life near to Him or have lived life peeking around bricks of fear, hurt, hypocrisy, confusion, or pain, we are marked the same, in His image.

God, Father, is generous, kind, sees our needs, loves us, hurts with us, weeps with us, hopes with us, listens to us. He is eager to hear how we are doing. All of the goodness we've seen through such sorrow is ALL, it is ALL, a reflection of the God who made us. That is God...I hope you get this. God is loving. God is kind. God is good. He is eager to enter into our hurts and promises to be our help in time of need (Hebrews4:16).

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Oh, Praise Him! Oh, Praise Him!

The blessings have been rushing waters and we are bathing in the goodness of God. We are so unworthy, but love is shown just the same. It is through tears I recount some of the blessings we've been shown. God hears every prayer lifted up on our behalf. We can make choices to treat Esther's cancer medically, but God is the healer and He will decide Esther's fate. You are petitioning the one who is in control. Thank you.

Every time I turn a page in one of the books our friends from our home school program, Classical Conversations, I am reminded that we are not alone.

With each dollar donated at the fundraiser our friends from the twins club organized, I see God's faithfulness to multiply a tiny amount of faith into an enormous, shady tree. (Mark 4:30-32) I think of how Jesus fed thousands with just five loaves and two fish. (John 6). Each donated prize is a loaf or fish for God to use. Thank you.

Next week the carpet on the first floor of our house will be pulled up and replaced with hardwood. Our friend negotiated an amazing deal on the flooring and a stranger, a man we just met, has offered to install the floor for free. The flooring was paid for, and we don't know who is responsible. Over the next few months Esther's immune system will be extremely weak. The tiniest bit of fungus, mildew, or mold can make her extremely sick. The tiniest virus can easily turn ugly with a little dust. Hardwood will allow us to keep these things at bay. This is a gift beyond anything we could ever have imagined. This reminds me of God's grace, generosity we could never imagine.

You see, flooring is a good gift and will help. But the grace is that it's not just about having a clean house. This can help us be together, to be a family. I can be with my husband and all five of my children in my home. We can sleep in our own beds and heal together. These are nights spent not in a hospital miles away. This is grace. God is gracious...He doesn't just give us a clean house, but the gifts that mean the most, especially when the number of our days must be treasured when cancer is your enemy.

Oh, Praise Him! Oh, Praise Him!

With this project we will need some help. Monday, October 1st, from about 4-8pm a crew will meet at our home to move furniture out of the way and to take out the carpet. The installer will work throughout the week and should be finished by the evening of Saturday, October 6th when we will need help again moving things back into the house and cleaning any dust that is stirred up from the process. Our friend coordinating all of this would be very blessed by an idea of who might be coming to help, so if this is something you could spend a few hours helping with, would you please email me or Anthony so we can pass on the message?

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