Wednesday, September 12, 2012

We're still home!

Today marked 4 days post chemo for Esther.  So far, so good.  She hasn't had a fever, is regular (a big deal for her), and is happily playing her days away with Zinnia.

The older kids and I have enjoyed getting back into a school routine and I'm learning about being interrupted.  You'd think with five children I'd be good at it, but I'm not.  I am a start to finish kind of girl.  I don't like being interrupted or having to put something down partway through.  It's been tempting to just toss school aside because it might be interrupted due to a hospital trip, but God is revealing a new work in my life.  He's teaching me flexibility and peace in not getting through the agenda.

I am thankful for this lesson.  I have been far from getting everything done with each child, but that's okay. Lessons in caring for each other, obeying mom quickly, and loving your siblings are far more valuable than Proper Nouns and the Kingdoms of Living things.  I see the kids thriving and full of eagerness as I've just gone with the flow.

Tomorrow Esther will have lab work done and a probable blood transfusion.  Her red blood cells were really low before chemo and it's been a week since the first day of her last chemo treatment.  Her blood counts will be getting low as the 10-14 day bottoming out, nadir, is coming close.

We also have an appointment set next Wednesday to meet with the surgeon who will be removing Esther's primary tumor, adrenal gland and anything else that may have been damaged or is infected with cancer cells.  I am feeling many of the same feelings, that knot in my stomach and tension in my throat, of the first week when we knew something was wrong. I know Esther has cancer, but what if the tumor is still too big?  Will she have to lose her kidney?  What if they find another lesion?

The thing is, they may.  She might lose her kidney.  She might relapse.  God knows and I do not.  I was praying about Esther earlier this week and I felt like God was telling me that He has a plan.  He has a purpose for her life.  He will use her life to impact others.  It will contain suffering and she might die, but this is not in vain.  He will bring a return on her life no matter the outcome.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11


  1. I'm so glad Esther is doing well at home. I can relate to the feelings you are having and I will pray for peace for you. This journey is so uncertain, but what we can be certain of is the glory it will bring to our God. As for the school, I'm in the same boat as you. We aren't starting until Oct 1, but I already dread having to stop part way through because of this or that. It's hard, I'm a box checker and have to remember that in the end, what is the most important thing? For me it's that my children know and love Jesus and have a tender heart. Have a blessed day!

  2. So so glad that you have been able to be at home! Im the same way about school with the kids! I actually have only done 1 day so far :/ My mom has been helping with that and has gotten several days in, we're planning on working through the summer. Will be praying the tumor has shrunk and that they can just get that and not have to take out other things with it!

  3. Ur an awesomely inspirational mom!!! Prayin 1st for God's perfect will then for miracles, comfort & peace. Much love to y'all !!!

  4. Hi Sam, I'm thinking of you all a lot today. We had friends over for dinner and retold the story of how you saved my wedding hair :). I have also remembered so many times over the years how you were the first person I remember telling me that you loved me when God was drawing my heart to Him. I remember being amazed at your boldness and I really feel like God spoke to my broken heart through you that day. Anyway, I know you are spending yourself more than you ever thought possible and I am proud of you. The evidence of God in your life has been a powerful testimony all through the years and especially now. Much love Sam. We are praying for Esther's complete healing.