Today marked 4 days post chemo for Esther. So far, so good. She hasn't had a fever, is regular (a big deal for her), and is happily playing her days away with Zinnia.
The older kids and I have enjoyed getting back into a school routine and I'm learning about being interrupted. You'd think with five children I'd be good at it, but I'm not. I am a start to finish kind of girl. I don't like being interrupted or having to put something down partway through. It's been tempting to just toss school aside because it might be interrupted due to a hospital trip, but God is revealing a new work in my life. He's teaching me flexibility and peace in not getting through the agenda.
I am thankful for this lesson. I have been far from getting everything done with each child, but that's okay. Lessons in caring for each other, obeying mom quickly, and loving your siblings are far more valuable than Proper Nouns and the Kingdoms of Living things. I see the kids thriving and full of eagerness as I've just gone with the flow.
Tomorrow Esther will have lab work done and a probable blood transfusion. Her red blood cells were really low before chemo and it's been a week since the first day of her last chemo treatment. Her blood counts will be getting low as the 10-14 day bottoming out, nadir, is coming close.
We also have an appointment set next Wednesday to meet with the surgeon who will be removing Esther's primary tumor, adrenal gland and anything else that may have been damaged or is infected with cancer cells. I am feeling many of the same feelings, that knot in my stomach and tension in my throat, of the first week when we knew something was wrong. I know Esther has cancer, but what if the tumor is still too big? Will she have to lose her kidney? What if they find another lesion?
The thing is, they may. She might lose her kidney. She might relapse. God knows and I do not. I was praying about Esther earlier this week and I felt like God was telling me that He has a plan. He has a purpose for her life. He will use her life to impact others. It will contain suffering and she might die, but this is not in vain. He will bring a return on her life no matter the outcome.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.