Well, 13 years later, I am such an Israelite. I need constant reminders. Thankfully, God knows this and in His kindness, gives them to me. He reminded me tonight that He does hear me. I was reading the One Year Bible in 2 Kings when God heard Hezekiah when he was sick. Hezekiah was about to die, he was ill. Isaiah came to tell him he was going to die and Hezekiah "wept bitterly" and had a conversation with God. God was tender to Hezekiah.
What a kind reminder from the Lord. He heard Hezekiah's prayers, He saw his tears. He hears me, He sees my tears. And Psalm 56:8 says, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" He hears you, He sees your tears.
...I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you. ... 2 Kings 20:5
Today was a good day for Esther. We tried a new med to help her nausea and it worked, she did not throw up once. I could tell she wasn't feeling great, but a chemo day without vomit is a good day. She didn't eat much at all, but that is normal and as I'm learning, okay, she just gets to eat lots of bacon and they even suggested giving her half & half to make up for the calories this week. The doctor today did mention that she needs to display more signs of taking in enough fluids before they'll let her go home on Wednesday, so please pray for that. We took walks around the floor, went down to the ball machine in the lobby and took a wagon ride around the hospital. It was nice to see her walking around a bit.
As I've become a mother I've seen the character of God more and more. When a newborn baby is fussing because you're changing his diaper, he is only aware that he is naked and ticked off that you keep bending him in half and wiping his behind with a cold thing. He yells & screams. That clean diaper is good for him.
Esther doesn't feel all that well, threw up the two days before, and is being pumped full of liquids. She doesn't really want to drink anything because she might throw it up and she doesn't feel all that thristy, so why does her mom keep telling her to take a drink. She was pretty annoyed and cranky with me. This has been fairly true of this whole journey, it's been hard to take.
How often do we scream like a newborn and tell God "no" in a sassy three year old voice? He is good, He knows. Clean diapers and drinking liquids are good things but our circumstances decieve us into believing it's all wrong and we're righted to a bad attitude. I'm thankful for the reminder that I've thrown fits and sassed God plent of times, but His love is bigger than my attitude and His goodness transcends all circumstance.
One of my life verses is Isaiah 1:18, "Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord; though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."
I love this verse because of the imagery of snow, freshly fallen and sparkling in the moonlight. That God changes my scarlet into such dazzling beauty. But what has been encouraging me most recently is "Come now, let us reason together." God wants to reason with me, he says to me, "Come here, little one, let me show you. I know you don't get this, let's reason it out together."
What a patient Lord who sees all of my circumstances and Hebrews 4:15 tells us that "We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are yet without sin. Let us then, with confidence, draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
God wants relationship with us, he wants to reason together, welcomes us at his throne. He wants to reveal His goodness, He listens to us and sees our tears.