Wednesday, July 25, 2012

More than half way through round 2

Frannie joined us for chemo today. Everything went smoothly and Esther only threw up once after dinner. Sadly the iPad was also needing to be charged, so I don't have any cute pictures to post. Frannie was pretty excited to get a bunny family that matches Esther's mouse family from her Gabby's Bag. They snuggled to watch some TV, rolled up the tissue paper from Frannie's surprise and tossed it back and forth like a ball, and of course, played Calico Critters.

We also enjoyed visits from Emily, Thomas' mom and Uncle Booie had a meeting nearby and was able to stop by for a bit.

Esther was running around the house tonight with her siblings, dancing in the living room, and has been eating great (aside from throwing up once tonight). It has been a blessing to be home even if it makes for a long drive.

Tomorrow Lydia will join us and I get to learn about giving shots and do some practice on a teaching doll. I wonder if I should use down time at the hospital to take some online courses. There has to be some medical degree to go along with all of this, right?

We only have two more days of chemo! Praying to be peaceful if we are admitted again for a fever, for her counts to not drop so low this next round, and for her to drink enough fluids. We have a long way to go on this treatment plan and I'm already so over the drinking battle. Please pray I would be patient and discerning when to push and when to hold back. Sometimes if she drinks it makes her vomit...then she's afraid to drink. It's also a control issue and seems very grey to know how to parent under these circumstances.

We are doing ok. Feeling like we're right in the middle of coming to an understanding of the length and intensity of this journey. I feel like that might not be the point, though. We can't really anticipate this journey or understand the depth by which we will all change and it won't be neat and tidy at the end of this next year. The impact of this on all our lives will be vast. I just want to know how much this with change us, i want to control it. Ephesians 3:16-21 came to mind as I am writing this,

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

This journey is not about the depth and width of the impact on our lives. It is not about gutting it through the next year and making it out okay. God is never purposeless in our lives, there is a reason he walks us through joy, sorrow, struggle, pain. Although it does not feel like it at times, there is love that surpasses our ability to understand amongst our journey. Through this we want to know Christ's love deeper, to trust the God who is able, who has power. He will strengthen us to know the length, height, and depth of His love.


  1. Sam & Anthony -- We are on vacation in a lake region of Maine (our last time together before Garrett leaves for Chicago in 3 1/2 wks) and I haven't read your blog in a few days. I found myself becoming anxious about it, so I read all of your posts today. So relieved to hear all is proceeding OK. I think of you throughout each day, willing you hope, strength and courage to get through this long journey. Continue to enjoy the good moments as they will help sustain you.

    My love to all,
    Aunt Candy

  2. Sam, I read 1 Peter 1 this morning and was encouraged: 3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

    Micah and I and Joe are praying for you daily! I love you friend. I imagine how hard this must deal with day in and day out...and I pray He gives you grace and perseverance and peace and hope. I hate that you are going through this, but I praise God for the example you are to me. Thank God for your faith and for Ester's resilience. Praying for the treatments to work and for no fevers...and strength and joy in the middle of all of this.

  3. Your grey area on drinking may not get easier, but be encouraged that she'll be ok. Aly does a drinking and eating fast the week of chemo. We just plan on it now and us the iv fluids when their there. Often she vomit's worse when trying to drink then ends up throwing up the iv fluids to some extent. Offering often and giving a variety is probably the most helpful and of course in her favorite cup. I wouldn't push it too hard going home with a bag of fluids to carry around is better than drinking lots and cleaning up after it. I've actually grown to like the take home bags of fluids and getting to change line stuff myself. That way I know I can be very thorough and clean when it comes to my own daughters care.
    We will be starting high dose next week so might see you around in clinic. Hope all goes well. Remember to enjoy the extra time you get just with Ester its rare that you'll get one on one time together. :)