Thursday, December 13, 2012

Tinker Bell is an Actual Tinker and Also Stars on Parenthood (BMT Day 2)

Esther eating a little bit of breakfast this morning at her table. She didn't eat much more than you see here!
As you can tell by the title of this post, I learned a few things today. Netflix recently made a deal with Disney and, as a result, there have been recent additions to its library. That includes more Tinker Bell movies than I ever knew existed. So between yesterday and today, I learned that Tinker Bell is an actual "tinker" (modern translation: fixes mechanical things) and that the voice of Tinker Bell is Mae Whitman who plays Amber on the show Parenthood (a show my wife conveniently got me hooked on...).
I attempted to get Esther out of bed more often today and doing activities but it is already getting more difficult as the chemo and anti-nausea meds wear her down. The kids table has been a big boost though in helping her eat and to have a more comfortable place to sit outside of her bed.
A little bit of painting time before she quickly tired out.

There have been no surprises so far and I'm thankful we've been able to avoid using Benadryl (in addition to the anti-nausea meds she's already on) to control her nausea. She felt pretty good today and didn't throw up, and, although she was tired, she wasn't super groggy all day.

As in previous normal rounds of chemo, her appetite is quickly disappearing and then you face the tension of trying to get her some nutrition versus causing her to vomit. She knows her limits pretty well when it comes to her nausea but it's hard to trust that at times! The sum total of what she ate today was one chocolate chip muffin, a cup of applesauce, and half of a string cheese stick along with only about 6 oz of milk.

The view from the BMT unit family lounge looking west.


Can I say again that I really love being on the BMT unit? I feel like I see the doctors more and have quicker access to the nurses. The bathroom, nutrition center, and family lounge are closer, and it just feels more peaceful. I know that betrays a little of what's to come but I'll take it for now. The picture above is the view outside of the family lounge. It's such a profound view to me when you look closer. I purposely captured more of the hospital in the picture so you can somewhat make out that the smaller part of the building in the foreground is the cancer center. You have this majestic view of the mountains and the sunsets coupled with a view of the hospital and cancer center. In between? A pretty smoggy day (not reflected in this photo) around downtown Denver!

Isn't that life? It's never just joy and sweetness. It's always intermingled with the pains of life and it ebbs and flows depending on the season. That's just how it is living in a fallen world that was never meant to include things like cancer and tears or pain.

But what I love about the picture is the exactly the intermingling. Because the truth is also that life is never just suffering and cancer and pain either. It's intermingled with cuddles and tickles and views of the mountains and chicken wings (I do love the wings here if you haven't figured that out by now...). The intermingling of the joy and struggle of life helps us know that God is good and personal but yet that something is dreadfully wrong.

The little Christmas tree that Sam and the kids set up at Brent's Place. It was thoughtfully given to us by friends earlier in the week before we left Fort Collins.

There have been moments where I have asked myself, "Should I be feeling more scared and fearful on the BMT unit? Am I not sobered enough?" It's a funny feeling. You know that you are in a high stress, intense environment. Your daughter is getting dangerous poison pumped in her blood continously. Sickness is slowly coming. But in the midst of that, we can joke with our nurses, look out at the awesome mountains, munch on some Mike & Ike's, open new toys, watch 5,000 Tinker Bell movies, and just relax knowing that God never sleeps nor forgets and is not impotent or indifferent.

Come and hear, all you who fear God,

and I will tell what he has done for my soul. (Psalm 66:16)

Psalm 66 is pure beauty, by the way, and illustrates almost exactly what I am trying to express in this post! Check it out. It pulls no punches about harsh realities we have to endure but pushes us to trust this God who has good for us!


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