Saturday, December 29, 2012

Where was God in 2012?

Quick note #1: I stole this post idea from John Piper because his recent article encouraged my soul so greatly...

Quick note #2: Esther's counts shot up to over 400 today! It's still early to tell but it looks like her counts have finally turned. We'll see if her ANC follows the skyrocket pattern she has tended to have so far...

2012 was obviously a hard year for us and will be remembered for a long time above many other years. So much of the time it felt like we were descending into darkness. In the first part of the year, we watched too many around us enter the fray of cancer only then to be thrust upon it ourselves. Where was God in the darkness? Where was he as our lives were turned upside down? Where was God as Esther fought a very deadly cancer? Where was God during those times when it felt like we were unraveling and breaking down?

Where was God in 2012?

  • Where was God when Esther's bump alerted us to Stage IV Neuroblastoma? Where was he when the disease should have likely spread into her joints? Where was God when the disease became apparent before Esther felt any pain?
  • Where was God when we had access to a top 10 in the nation children's facility in Denver?
  • Where was God when the chemotherapy shrunk her tumors?
  • Where was God when people lavished on us meals, gifts, money, and service to us and our home? Where was he when our floor was replaced with hardwood?
  • Where was God when Esther didn't get any serious infections during her many days of neutropenia after her 6 rounds of chemotherapy and transplant treatment?
  • Where was God when her primary tumor was so easily removed?
  • Where was God when my coworkers pushed for and succeeded in getting a PTO donation policy in place and then proceeded to double my PTO for the year?
  • Where was God when my worries were all but eliminated regarding our insurance coverage and financial issues?
  • Where was God when Auntie Margarita spent so many days with us serving us, encouraging us, loving on us, cooking for us, and drinking many a bottle of wine with us?
  • Where was God when Mrs Louise, Mrs Monica, Mrs Connie, and Mrs Marcia were doing all of our laundry for us multiple times a week?
  • Where was God when Brent's Place opened an apartment for us and provided many meals and gifts and love?
  • Where was God when we had the sweetest and caring nurses you could ask for?
  • Where was God during each and every blood and platelet transfusion?
  • Where was God when Esther's siblings worked hard in our home and Brent's Place cleaning, thinking about Esther, and putting her first even when it meant missing mommy or daddy for many days?
  • Where was God when MIBG therapy was cancelled at the last minute sparing Esther from potentially a life-threatening combination of treatment?
  • Where was God for the clean scans prior to transplant?
  • Where was God when Auntie Robin and Uncle Casey didn't go to Manhattan 18 months ago and instead moved a rock's throw away?
  • Where was God when Auntie Robin cheerfully took care of our older 4 along with their 3 cousins many many days? Where was God when Uncle Casey did so many things to help take care of our home including a number of times at the drop of a hat?
  • Where was God in the constant encouragement, friendship, and tears with Auntie Robin and Uncle Casey? Where was God in their sacrifice to keep their family healthy just to bless our family?
Where was God in 2012? Here's what he tells us:

Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. (Psalm 135:6)

I, I am the LORD, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed, when there was no strange god among you; and you are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and I am God. Also henceforth I am he; there is none who can deliver from my hand; I work, and who can turn it back?" (Isaiah 43:11-13)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me." "Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me. (Isaiah 49:14-16)

In 2012, God was working for his glory and our good. He was lavishing his grace on us even in the darkness. God was busy not leaving our side. God was busy not sleeping or forgetting. God was planning for good in this even years ago.

In 2012, God was pouring out his peace on us.

In 2012, He was blessing us through uncountable others.

In 2012, he was showing his grace and love deeper than we've ever seen and in ways that you can only see while you're in the darkness and fog of confusion, pain, and loss.

I pray that you will look back on 2012 with gratitude. I pray that 2013 will be the end of Esther's treatment forever. I pray that God will continue to sustain us. But I truly pray that in 2013 you and I will know this amazing God even better and more intimately.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)



  1. You are an inspiration in how you are able to look at all the events of 2012. Thank you for posting this!

  2. Before I got to your list of "Where was God" questions I was already ticking many of them off in my head. Where was God? He was, is and will be with you all every.single.step of the way. Following your blog has pulled me back into my faith (See? There He is again!) and reminded me how much a part He is in those difficult times.

    1. I second that!!! Thank you all for the strength,support and love that you all have shown for our family. My Children and GRAND CHILDREN have been and inspiration to so many people through the last 6 months, and for ME, to remember WHO to rely on for strength. GOD and the BIBLE, I wish I had been better about the teachings I was raised with for the installments of their lives now, But feel Grace in the comfort that they got something from it. I love you all my Family, and all of their NEW Family for all of your LOVE, SUPPORT, PRAYERS and SHARING of their love of HIS WORD and Support in Their Lives. This BLOG IS A BLESSING FROM HIM AND THEM!! Thank you , Mom O'

  3. Wow! this is AMAZING! :) :) Such a great perspective and *praise God* that He has been merciful in the circumstances and more importantly in the midst of these circumstances by providing you peace and comfort! Wow! God has made Himself known in your year!