Esther had to get her butterfly (access to her port) replaced but she did the best I've seen her at getting deaccessed and she gutted out getting poked again. It was a stressful end of the day for her sweet little heart and she crashed quickly to sleep not long after finally turning out the lights.
Esther has been waking up at 6am to go potty and then going back to sleep until 8:30 or 9am. It's been a huge blessing to me having that chunk of time in-between to get up and going and spend some time with Jesus. I used to just try to sleep when Esther sleeps but I'm learning that the extra sleep isn't as refreshing as that time with God. This morning I set my playlist to random (or not so random!) and the first song that came up was "Please Be My Strength," the song that I shared yesterday! The second song was "Not Home Yet" by good old Stevin Curtis Chapman. God reeled my heart in very quickly!
Another stirring song for me recently is again one from Gungor that's been good for my soul and very pertinent to the season that we're in...
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
What I love about this song as well as "Please Be My Strength" is that they so eloquently illustrate the difference between complaining and lamenting. Complaining is what we're so tempted to do and what we yield to most of the time. It's hard, we want to simply vent our frustrations and find blame and relief and justice for our pain and hurt, even if it's a little thing. But complaining is a way of coping that doesn't express how we are truly hurting.
Lamenting is a channeling of that hurt and pain towards God. Lamenting is expressing our grief and need. Lamenting is a pouring out of our hearts to God. Lamenting is fully expressing the pain and anger and grief to your Heavenly Father who can comfort, bring peace, and heal. Complaining covers over and embitters. Lamenting brings healing and draws you near to Jesus. Lamenting lets God in.
Lamenting is a cry for God; complaining is a cry against God. (Tullian Tchividjian, Glorious Ruin p179)
Both of the songs express a lot of pain, doubt, worry, and discouragement but at same time direct all of it honestly in faith towards the God who is there. A good heart lesson for me moving forward.
If you want to hear more about the origin of the song (the wife in the band wrote it), you can listen to her tell the story after about the first minute here.
This time in the hospital has been the longest for Esther since the beginning. Tomorrow will be day 8 and still likely not to be the one where we go home.
And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." (Revelation 21:5a)