Saturday, October 27, 2012

Counts Up, No Fevers, What's the Deal?

This morning Esther's ANC was up to over 3000. She likes to skyrocket! She just went from 46 to 600 to 3000 in 2 days. The usual. Her platelets were down to 38 today but her red blood count was holding. Again, she also had no fevers.

So we're home right? Nope. She had a bout with borderline diarrhea this morning and her stomach was bothering her all day so they kept her on clears, put her on isolation just in case, and we stayed the course for the day. She didn't have any stool the rest of the day for them to test so we'll stay on isolation for now. We laid low today and she didn't feel up for much besides movies and Disney cartoons.

Our guess for her stomach issues? Her antibiotics have been different this time around. She's never had this regimen of antibiotics and never gotten stomach problems while inpatient before. This time she started having stomach issues 24 hrs after being checked in and it's just not going away even though she's no longer neutropenic or having fevers.

So we'll see how she's feeling tomorrow and if I can discuss the antibiotics situation with the doctors. The not so fun part about tomorrow that you can pray for Esther in is that she'll need to have her port reaccessed and butterfly needle changed out. She has to have this done even though she doesn't get to go home yet because you have to change it every 7 days. Being deaccessed from her port is one of her least favorite experiences!

Today felt like a long day with less sleep last night (my own fault staying up late to do laundry, then Esther waking up early) but I am slowly appreciating the pace of inpatient time. I'm an introvert so that helps. I enjoy good downtime. However, hospital time has a way of drawing out that restlessness inside of you that you can just distract at home. So much of our life is consumed with trying to be productive, trying to justify our existence and "get things done." It takes a huge amount of effort to genuinely slow our lives down for even just 15 minutes of silence. We complain about busyness and the daily grind but the truth is that we want it. We don't want to slow down and hear the clarity of our own thoughts and hurts and desires and God's voice. It's much easier to push ahead.

I am thankful for the slowness of today. Yesterday was more fun and playing with Esther. Today was just waiting and just being. That's ok. It's good to feel like things are out of your hands. It's good to recognize the world doesn't ride on my shoulders. It's good to feel small and disconnected from the pace of the world. Today was good for my soul. In the past I think I would have been more quick to be frustrated and to feel exiled and isolated. Today, I still battled that restlessness but Jesus' peace was very real to me.

Music has been a growing blessing to me during this season. The song below by Gungor has especially stirred my soul to Jesus this week. I love the honesty of it and the trust despite not understanding. The video especially pricks my soul. I hope it stirs you like it has for me.

Pray for Esther to be feeling better tomorrow and to not be in any pain! Also, pray for the little boy next door to us. He cries out multiple times a day and I just ache for him and his parents. I can tell by listening to him that it's not merely a fit or tantrum but genuine anguish and pain. Pray for them to feel a genuine moving of God's presence and for an opportunity for me to bless and encourage them somehow.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, (1 Peter 1:3-4)

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